


I hate work

by orphan_account



Category: EXO (Band), GOT7, H.E.I.R.
Genre: Doctor!Junmyeon, F/F, Light Angst, M/M, Other, hakyeon is fine but he keeps saying draw me like your french girls, hoseok tells, jaemyeong doesnt know what to do, taekwoon is scarred, this is so many tags, what the fuck is going on, yoongi uses dark humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-26 13:05:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13858356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Yifan was never really the type to collect plushies; Namjoon not the type to over react about kids. Jaebum just stood in the corner, perfectly fine from being babied by his wife. Work was going fine, just count out JYP (Jaebum hates him).Krisho, Namjin and JJProject don't really have any troubles.You know, if you disclude that one annoying bitchy team leader from work.





	1. Chapter 1: Welcome to Hell

**Author's Note:**

> Yifan has to go on a business trip to China for 3 weeks, but he doesn't want to. But he has to.
> 
> But there's a problem; KrisHo's anniversary is coming up, no? But Yifan can't refuse the trip, but he doesn't have the heart to just tell Junmyeon after knowing for 4 whole weeks. So what does he do?
> 
> He calls Namjoon and Jaebum (who later invites their perverted team leader) for help, of course!

**_Intro! Buckle up kids, this is basically just a crack fic! I pulled this entire plot out of my ass-crack at 2 in the morning, only writing it now. It's shit ahead, please put on some comfy clothes, make sure you have some popcorn or tea ready, (although you might spit out the latter and choke on the former). I could be writing this in the front note, but I don't feel like scrolling up. Have a safe trip! - xoxo, WP?_ **

 

Yifan didn't know what to do. He was currently fretting over a _huge_ problem. And by huge, boy does he mean it.

 

Junmyeon would be working late for a few weeks, and we all know what happens when a cranky Junmyeon can't find the creamer, but that's not the real problem. The real problem would be the fact that Yifan's boss decided to send him on a trip for the company's deal JYP Entertainment.

 

You're probably wondering, _it's just that he'd be in China for a business trip to fill in for Lay and Xiumin. Why would there be a problem with that? He's only leaving and coming back, just like every other time._

 

It wouldn't be a problem if Junmyeon didn't know, and if their 4th anniversary wasn't coming up. Yifan doesn't have the heart to tell him that it's going to last for 3 weeks.

 

Long short story, to get revenge on his lover for teasing him at work, Yifan begs the 'dad' squad to help him seduce Junmyeon once again before he leaves.

\-------------------

**_Group Chat: FUCKERS AND MORE FUCKERS_ **

**_Users: Fake Beliber; (Im Jaebum); Galazyfreak, (Wu Yifan); and Ramon, (Kim Namjoon)._ **

 

 **Fake Beliber:**  namjoon i need help

 

 **Fake Beliber:** the fucking old man is screaming at me and idk what to do 

 

 **Ramon:** Well maybe if you stopped watching cat videos all the time, he wouldn't be nagging at you.

 

 **Galazyfreak:**  WEEK OLD SOGGY RAMYEON

 

 **Galazyfreak:** I NEED HELP 

 

 **Galazyfreak:** LIKE ASAP

 

 **Ramon:** So I'm automatically everyone's councilor?

 

 **Ramon:** And what happened to calling me RM?

 

 **Fake Beliber:**  yes and no-body cares about rm soggy tomato is ur name

 

 **Galazyfreak:**  NOWS NOT THE TIME OLD MAN WE GOT A PLAN TO COOK

 

 **Galazyfreak:** ITS ABOUT JOONIE

 

 **Ramon:** What about me?

 

 **Galazyfreak:** not you

 

 **Galazyfreak:** ugly bitch

 

 **Galazyfreak:** its about myeon

 

 **Fake Beliber:** well there you couldve just said that

 

 **Galazyfreak:** shut up fattie nobody cares

 

 **Galazyfreak:** I NEED EVERYONES HELP

 

 **Galazyfreak:** sorry jb but the author doesnt like you so less screen time for you

 

 **Fake Beliber:**   shut up bitch

 

 **Ramon:** What's wrong?

 

 **Galazyfreak:** i just wanted to tell you about since were in different companies we dont know whats going on in our work lives

 

 **Galazyfreak:** so i decided to bother you with this

 

_**[Wu Yifan has sent an link and an image attachment]** _

 

 **Galazyfreak:** what you think bout that

 

 **Fake Beliber:**   bET IT GOT MY HATERS HELLA SICK

 

 **Ramon:** Thanks for supporting Mic Drop, but whats the real problem?

 

 **Ramon:** This is just a link to an email Mr. Lee sent

 

 **Galazyfreak:**  WELL SOME BITCH TOOK HIS FUCKING TIME TO TYPE THAT SHIT UP

 

 **Ramon:** Can't be bothered. I'm trying to savor Jin's cooking before I get whipped away into that fucking hell hole named JYP Ent., so no, enlighten me.

**Fake Beliber:** if you actually read it, month old ramon, youd know that yifan is going on a business trip

 

 **Ramon:** Which is bad why?

 

 **Fake Beliber:**  i still dont know why

 

 **Galazyfreak:** fuckers

 

 **Galazyfreak:** MY ANNIVERSARY IS COMING UP AND I DIDNT TELL JOONIE IM LEAVING FOR CHINA

 

 **Fake Beliber:**  yeah but for how long

 

 **Galazyfreak:** 3 weeks (T_T)

 

 **Fake Beliber:**  well shit

 

 **Ramon** : 3 weeks? You didn't tell Junmyeon?

 

 **Galazyfreak:** if i told him you know how heart broken hed be

 

 **Galazyfreak:** so i kept it from him for about a month now and the deadline is coming up

 

 **Fake Beliber:**  so you decided to tell him at the last minute

 

 **Ramon:** Wufan, as much as I love to see you suffer, you need to tell him. He's going to be even more broken if you tell him the day you're leaving. Do you want that?

 

 **Galazyfreak:** >.>

 

 **Galazyfreak:** you guys arent helping

 

 **Fake Beliber:**  wasnt trying

 

 **Galazyfreak:** shut it brock eyes

 

 **Fake Beliber:**  aGAIN WITH THE EYES LIKE FIND SMOETHING ELSE TO SCREAM ABOUT

 

 **Ramon:** If we're so bad, there might be someone that's really good in this whole ditching and making up department thing.

 

 **Galazyfreak:** REALLY

 

 **Fake Beliber:**  but he might be lying

 

 **Fake Beliber:**  remember when he said jin made cookies for game night just so we could hurry up and get dressed

 

 **Galazyfreak:** Kim Namjoon, if this is a joke, I will personally castrate you. 

 

 **Galazyfreak:** I NEED THIS

 

 **Ramon:** Hold on, I'm trying to add her.

 

 **Ramon:** By the way, Brock eyes, no complaining.

 

 **Galazyfreak:** HER???

 

 **Fake Beliber:**  ??

 

 **Fake Beliber:** _ohmygodkimnamjoonyouarentgoingtodothis_

 

 **Fake Beliber:** WUFAN LETS CASTRATE HIM

 

 **Ramon:** Chill your bills, I'm only adding her for help.

 

_**[Kim Namjoon has added +1(204)-247-8924 to FUCKERS AND MORE FUCKERS]** _

 

_**[Kim Namjoon has reset everyone's screen names]** _

 

_**[Kim Namjoon has renamed +1(204)-247-8924's screen name to Jaemyeong]** _

 

 **Namjoon:** Alright, everyone, introduce yourselves.

**Jaemyeong:** Basic bitches listen up.

 

 **Yifan:** who the fuck is this

 

 **Jaebum:** the crazy team leader we told you about

 

 **Yifan:** the 2nd leader

 

 **Namjoon:** Yeah..

 

 **Jaemyeong:** I scrolled up and found some horrifying things..

 

 **Jaemyeong:** Might I also add, Jaebum, you suck at sexting.

 

 **Jaebum:** IT WAS ACCIDENTAL

 

 **Jaemyeong:** Yeah but you need to step up your game. You can't just go, "Baby, look at what you did to your daddy." then show a picture of a dick softer than overcooked spaghetti. This also goes to you, Namjoon.

 

 **Jaemyeong:** Sheesh, why do I work with idiots?

 

 **Yifan:** uh yeah thats nice and all bUT BACK TO ME

 

 **Jaemyeong:** The fuck are you

 

 **Jaemyeong:** oh

 

 **Jaemyeong:** oH

 

 **Jaemyeong:** NAMJOON YOU LITTLE FUCKER HOW DARE YOU EXPOSE ME LIKE THIS I DID NOT RAISE YOUR HUSBAND TO ENCOURAGE THIS KIND OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT

 

 **Namjoon:** In all honesty, you do spend way more time sleeping on your desk than sleeping with your wife.

 

 **Jaemyeong:** Shut the fuck up.

 

 **Jaemyeong:** Also, I don't have any experience with this.

 

 **Jaemyeong:** And Jaebum, I expect the fucking sales report in by tomorrow. 

 

 **Jaemyeong:** Peace out, fuckers. 

 

 **Jaebum:** now you know why i hate her

 

**_[Park Jaemyeong has left FUCKERS AND MORE FUCKERS]_ **

 

**_[Kim Namjoon has added Park Jaemyeong into FUCKERS AND MORE FUCKERS]_ **

 

**_[Park Jaemyeong has left FUCKERS AND MORE FUCKERS]_ **

 

**_[Kim Namjoon has added Park Jaemyeong to FUCKERS AND MORE FUCKERS]_ **

 

 

**_ANNOUNCEMENT: The little bitch who stayed up at 2 AM trying to write this doesn't want to deal with your bullshit, so stop coming in and out. And Park Jaemyeong Hyuk, you're staying._ **

****

**Jaemyeong:** shit she added the middle name

 

\---------------------

 

Yifan tore his mildly pink eyes away from his phone screen. Namjoon and Jaemyeong were discussing various options after she had learned of what happened, but none had seemed to catch his eyes. Jaebum was being roasted by Jaemyeong about previous text. Yifan closed his eyes, trying to think of various ways that he could break it to his wi-er, husband.

 

_**Option 1. Calmly break it to Joonie when the topic is brought up.** _

 

That  _was_ a great idea, just before Yifan remembered Junmyeon was sensitive to topics being held from him for a long time. One month, Junmyeon wouldn't react to that too well...so he crossed it out.

 

~~_**Option 1. Calmly break it to Joonie when the topic is brought up.** _ ~~

_**Option 2. Randomly bring it up and give short details.** _

 

Yifan sighed. That would be the best option; he didn't have any more left anyway. As he got up to clock out of work, he heard his phone blowing up from the group chat. Thinking it was a three way fight between the 3 idiots, he didn't think much of it and went to go home.

 

If only he hadn't.

 


	2. I FORGOT THE NAME OF THE OTHER CHAPTER SO THIS IS THE CHAPTER ITSELF SORRY FR IT BEING SHORT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens while Yifan isn't checking the gc, and when he walks in to his house.

~~_**[Follow up of 1st chapter]** _ ~~

**_[Groupchat: FUCKERS AND MORE FUCKERS]_ **

 

 **Jaemyeong** : So you added me in here to help out with this 'Yifan' guys sexual problems?

 

 **Jaebum:** listen up bitch

 

 **Jaebum:** we added you here to supply us with solutions

 

 **Jaemyeong:** Fine.

 

 **Jaemyeong:** Hold on a sec.

 

**_[Park Jaemyeong renamed her screen name to Park.Jae]_ **

**_[Park Jaemyeong renamed Kim Namjoon's screen name to Kim.Nam]_ **

**_[Park Jaemyeong renamed Im Jaebum's screen name to Im.Jae]_ **

 

 **Park.Jae:** shes having troubles with writing ur names

 

 **Park.Jae:** So anyway

 

 **Park.Jae:** the first problem here is that he needs to tell him slowly, like bring it up when something of the sort is related, make it seem as if he just got the news

 

 **Park.Jae:**  for example: _"Speaking of trips, I have to go on one this month. I just heard about it today; it completely slipped out of my mind."_

 

 **Im.Jae:** would you look at that

 

 **Im.Jae:** the perverted freak actually knows grammar

 

 **Park.Jae:**  can you shut the fuck up widescreen

 

 **Im.Jae:**  AGAIN IWTH THE EYES LIKE PEOPLE DAMN

 

 **Kim.Nam:** Wait.

 

 **Park.Jae:** ?

 

 **Kim.Nam** : So you're saying...lie to him?

 

 **Park.Jae:** Who the fuck are you talking about? Him, her, they - I don't give any shits on who this is. Lets name them Vanessa.

 

 **Kim.Nam:** It's a Junmyeon...

 

 **Park.Jae:** That sounds way to close to my name, it's now Vanessa. But yes. We lie. That's how this is going to go.

 

 **Im.Jae:** what is this fucking excuse of a solution

 

 **Park.Jae:** You got one in mind? You guys called me here, I didn't ask

 

 **Park.Jae:** Anyway, when Vanessa tries to ask him something along the lines of: "How long are you staying there?" Make him say smoething like: "Oh not long, just for a couple of days."

 

 **Kim.Nam:**  This is bothering me. You need to fix your spelling.

 

 **Kim.Jae:** *Something.

 

 **Park.Jae:** You fucking soggy ass noodle, don't call me out.

 

 **Kim.Nam:** eVERY S INGLE TIME

 

 **Im.Jae:** *Single

**Im.Jae:** but why a couple of days

 

 **Park.Jae:** Hold on jae

 

 **Park.Jae:** how long is he staying there

 

 **Im.Jae:** why does it matter you basic bitch

 

 **Kim.Nam:** 3 weeks.

 

 **Im.Jae:** naMJOON YOU RAT

 

 **Park.Jae:** As much as I hate you both, 3 weeks if roughly 21 days (in hell). 

 

 **Im.Jae:** fuck shes making movie references

 

 **Kim.Nam:** NGL, that was a great movie though. 

 

 **Park.Jae:** One of the best.

 

 **Park.Jae:** Anyway, shorting 21 days to a couple of days-

 

 **Park.Jae:** Wait, what company is this?

**Kim.Nam:** Not sure, I think it was one of the big 3.

 

 **Im.Jae:**  wasnt he in SMTown

 

 **Park.Jae:**  what the fuck kinda name is SMTown

 

 **Im.Jae:**  idk what kinda name is Jaemyeong? >.>

 

 **Park.Jae:**  fuck off justin

 

 **Im.Jae:**  AGAIN WITH THE JUSTIN

 

 **Kim.Nam:**  But you didn't want to be called wide screen.

 

 **Kim.Nam:**  But, what happens after Yifan says a couple of days?

 

 **Park.Jae:**  Well...thats not really....

 

 **Im.Jae:**  so she doesnt have an ans-r?

 

 **Park.Jae:**  I do.

 

 **Park.Jae:**  I just need to know how ya'll want your orders.

 

 **Kim.Nam:**  Wait, what?

 

 **Im.Jae:** Yeah, can I have the happiness latte with extra fluff and a side of sexual-content cake? Light on the angst, please.

 

 **Park.Jae:** Coming right up.

 

 **Kim.Nam:**  What the _ever-loving fuck?_

 

 **Park.Jae:** Lets see what we have in the back..

 

 **Park.Jae:**  The first step in making your order is to carry out every detail above in perfect order.

 

 **Park.Jae:**  The next step is for him to give Vanessa a small gift to remember him by, like a promise ring or some shit.

 

 **Im.Jae:** theyre married

 

 **Park.Jae:**  fuck off patrica

 

 **Park.Jae:** After Steven gives Vanessa the gift, make some cheesy, lame ass comment like, "Wait for me, Vanessa."

 

 **Kim.Nam:** What kind of role playing shit is this?

 

 **Park.Jae:**  Shut up, bitch.

 

 **Park.Jae:** Anyway, I heard this was like..KrisHo's anniversary, right?

 

 **Kim.Nam:**  KrisHo?

 

 **Kim.Nam:** This is Yifan and Va-er, Junmyeon's.

 

 **Kim.Nam:** How'd you even know about their nicknames?

 

 **Im.Jae:** right....

 

 **Im.Jae:**  hurry up with my order 

 

 **Im.Jae:** im hungry

 

 **Park.Jae:**  shut the fuck up

 

 **Park.Jae:**  youre so morbidly obese

 

 **Im.Jae:** shut up fattie

 

 **Im.Jae:** now hurry up

 

 **Kim.Nam:** what the hell is going on

 

 **Park.Jae:**  shut up im gettng thresmbfh

 

 **Park.Jae:**  sorry Seol Rae happened

 

 **Im.Jae:** ?

 

 **Park.Jae:**  As I was saying, during the past month, we grew our deals with YG and SM, right?

 

 **Park.Jae:** WERE AWESOME FRIENDS THEY EVEN DECIDED TO TRANSFER SOME WORKERS HERE AND THERE

 

 **Kim.Nam:** I think I get this

 

 **Kim.Nam:** so basically

 

 **Im.Jae:** youre saying

 

 **Kim.Nam:** that we could persuade

 

 **Im.Jae:** the fat old man named JYP

 

 **Kim.Nam:**  into moving Wufan over

 

 **Park.Jae:**  who the fuck is wufan

 

 **Park.Jae:**  but anyway yes

 

 **Im.Jae:**  wow

 

 **Kim.Nam:** so basically we try to get people to alter wufans schedule 

 

 **Park.Jae:**  yes but no

 

 **Im.Jae:**  wUT

 

 **Park.Jae:**  we cant exactly talk to JYP-nim or Mr. Lee about this so I was thinking that we (*cough* mainly me since you guys suck *cough*) could do it ourselves

 

 **Park.Jae:** aND WOULD YOU SOTP SAYING WUFAN LIKE WHO THE FUCK IS SHE IDK A HER

 

 **Im.Jae:** but liekkkk

 

 **Im.Jae:** how

 

 **Park.Jae:**  you stupid dried piece of crusty spit

 

 **Kim.Nam** : why dont you explain it to us later at work?

 

 **Park.Jae:** fine

 

 **Park.Jae:** but can i get a picture of this Vanessa and this wufan lady liek i need to know my clients

 

 **Im.Jae:** will it shut you up

 

 **Park.Jae:** maybe?

 

 **Im.Jae:** I'm taking chances

 

 **Im.Jae:** the first one is Junmyeon, AKA Vanessa and the last one is Yifan

 

_**[Im Jaebum has sent an image attachment]** _

_**[Im Jaebum has sent an image attachment]** _

 

 **Park.Jae:** well they sure look like a Vanessa and Steven

\------

 

While the 3 idiots were arguing about where to meet for this whole thing, Yifan patiently stood in front of his house.

 

Don't get him wrong, he had the key. The problem lied within the house.

 

Sometimes, Yifan would come home a few minutes late, but he would always park his car around the corner, wait a few minutes, when drive into the parking lot. After that, he would wait in front of the house for a few, then go in, announcing himself.

"Daddy!"

6 tiny pairs of bare feet smacked against the ground from around the hallway. Yifan stood patiently in the foyer with a smile as Minseok, Luhan, Jongin, Kyungsoo, Baekhyun and Jongdae threw themselves on him.

"Daddy, papa is really hot!" Jongin bursts, trying to climb up his pants. "Yeah," Luhan adds, breaking off the hug. "Papa's hair looks really weird."

Yifan just chuckled. "I know. Thats why I married this fashionless person." He picked up Baekhyun and moved over to the playroom with the 5 others following him.

"No!" Minseok shouted, an angry pout on his face. "Daddy! Papa won't talk! He moves really weird!" Jongdae shook his head. "Papa won't get out of bed. Daddy, he's wearing a mask!"

Yifan smiled. The only times Junmyeon would wear a mask was when he was plain bored. He obviously knew that he already had a perfect face. Yifan knew Junmyeon was sexy; how he styled the hair always drove him wild. Moving really weird - Junmyeon couldn't dance.

Yifan just mentally brushed off the kids attempts, not knowing what was actually happening.

The 3 youngest decided on settling with the toys while Jongdae, Minseok and Luhan tried convincing Yifan something was wrong, but Yifan kept thinking about his own problem.

While the 3 were trying to convince their dad, Kyungsoo was playing with Jongin. But he couldn't hear, not over Jongdae's excessive screaming. Kyungsoo growled; he decided enough was enough.

He stood up and marched over to his dad and did something none of the Wu-Kim kids would ever dare to do. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was shit, thanks for even clicking on it.

**Author's Note:**

> H.E.I.R. is a rookie girl group I made up; their company is JYP. Namjoon, since Big Hit fired him (>.>, Those fatties), he gained a same level ranking as Jaebum, who's still salty with JYP's ranking system. Yifan works at SM, and Park Jaemyeong works at JYP. She's a entire level ahead of JB and RM, who hates her.
> 
> JUST A HEADS UP, - xoxo, WF?


End file.
